no more damsel in distress

you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy...

i heard that if you give up things too easily
to a man, he will get bored with you...

a girl says that she will never be fooled again
but she will fall in love again...

don't take advantage of a girl's willingness
to do anything for love and her caring instinct...

i didn't know that to be born as a girl and
to be loved was so hard...

*lines taken from KISS' Because I'm A Girl*

coming from an all-girls school, our advocacy for "women empowerment" grew on me... i remember telling my friend about the message of the song i have just posted above... and i remember how she cringed as i was telling her how the song goes... it didn't surprised me that i've gotten that kind of reaction from my friend... after all, the message is simple, that women are easily fooled by men... or to be harsh, women are weak... at that time, i agreed with that interpretation but now, as i took a closer look at the lyrics, i realized that there's more to it than simply women being helpless...

you're special... i believe those words and i was so happy... they say we, women, are always conscious and we need compliments to assure us... whether it be with the way we look... our actions... our everything... they say we are conscious because we want to make sure that we are able to impress... i say we're not always conscious... sometimes we want to be complimented because we want to feel appreciated... that there's someone who sees something good in us... that there's someone who notices the good things that are happening in our lives... no, we don't desperately need assurance all the time... what we want is AFFIRMATION...

i heard that if you give up things too easily to a man, he will get bored with you... maybe it's true... maybe it's not always true... though i heard from a lot of people that this line is true, i don't think i can go ahead and say "yeah"... men still hold the key to this mystery, for they are the ones who know what's going on inside them... we can merely speculate... and my speculation is regardless of whether men will easily get bored once we've given things too easily or not, it will not change the fact that we've made the decision to give it to them... and most of the time, that was made because we preferred that decision over the other ... because, naive as it may sound, in the back of our minds we feel that love should not be treated as a game... that love should be genuine...


don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love and her caring instinct... sometimes, when we are in love, we tend to be "high"... we feel as if we can do anything... overcome anything... and sometimes, we really do... i think we can blame it on the countless stories of sleeping beauties... of snow whites... of cinderellas... and of all the others who had, at one point or another in our lives, made us believe in the myth of happy ending... that if we patiently wait and care for our prince charming... and if we just nurture him and devote ourselves to him, he will sweep us off our feet and carry us to his castle where we will live happily ever after with him... such utopian perception of love but i feel that this idealistic type of perception is what makes us believe that love is pure... that it is designed to truly bring us genuine happiness...

i didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard... is it really hard to be loved if you're born a girl? i remembered what our professor in rspt once told us... women and men switch places during valentine's day in japan... women give chocolates and the men receive it... in parts of the world, women's clit are circumcised... some people see this action as a foreboding that women are entirely slaves to men... that women should not impart on the pleasure that men experience... but why do these things happen? because we let them determine our lives for us? i will say this... it will only be hard for us to be loved if we let it be...

a girl says that she will never be fooled again but she will fall in love again... we hate getting hurt but we love falling in love... we love feeling that somehow, we are living and breathing for someone... that we are caring and treating someone special... that we are sharing our lives with someone special... we love getting mushy and cheesy (although there are times that we hate to admit it... ;> ) and cuddly and seeing our significant other doing the same thing... that even if our past experiences were not good, we live by the belief that there is something better for us... we live by the belief that true love happens to those who believe... and that true happiness can only be felt once we've exprienced great pain... maybe some perceive it as masochism... but in truth, we only just want to love... and be loved...

the other girl

another entry i did last year... thought to share with you my insights on the "other woman"...
...

Kabit... kerida... madrasta... sabit... ahas... home-wrecker... walang konsensya... imoral... malandi...

Lahat na ata ng masasakit na salita natawag na natin sa mga babaeng nagmamahal ng lalakeng may nauna ng minahal at minamahal... sa lahat na halos ng mga pinapanood at napanod na natin pelikula at palabas, laging sila yung kontrabida... kinaiinisan, sinisisi sa pagkasira ng ibang relasyon... sinisisi natin sila kung bakit nawalan ng ama yung isang bata o kung bakit walang tigil sa pag-iyak nung asawa o girlfriend nung lalakeng minamahal niya...

I grew up with this belief that all the "other women" are evil, created to tempt and destroy a happy and solid relationship... i grew up viewing them as selfish people who don't care about other people's feelings but their own... i despised the women who entered the lives of my friends' boyfriends and yanked them away from my friends' grasps... i'm laughing now remembering that i used to joke around with my friends that our group was cursed by leeches who can't seem to resist the charm of the unavailable... i even recall calling those girls by nasty pet names like "pugita", "pugits", "lamang dagat", "kampon ng karagatan" and so much more... i know it was mean on my part but i can't help myself... i've seen the effects they had on my friends... i saw how my friends' worlds crumbled when they found out that the men they thought they could trust, the men they shared their dreams with, the men they'd envisioned would be waiting by the altar for them, turned out to be sharing those dreams with someone else... i've seen how in a snap, my once confident and beaming friend, lost her smile and self-confidence... how with a snap of a finger, she became the ugliest girl in her own eyes... witnessing all these, i came to hate the men who broke their hearts... i grew disgusted of them... but my hate and disgust for them did not compare to how i felt for the girls who were the reasons for my friends' hurt...

the funny thing is, though, i accidentally caught this movie on tube... it portrayed the mistress in a different way, unusual from all the other characterizations we have seen so far... this movie got me rethinking about my perspective of mistresses, the other women... pano kaya kung ako yung kabit? ako yung tinatago... yung inuuwian sa hatinggabi at iniiwanan sa madaling araw? yung ngahihintay sa apartment sa pagdating ng lalakeng mahal ko tapos pag dumating siya, aalis naman agad kasi hinihintay na siya ng iba... yung pinapakilala bilang kaibigan, officemate, "acquaintance"? yung nasa likod, pumapalakpak at tahimik na pinagmamalaki yung lalakeng pinagkakaguluhan habang may isang babaeng yumayakap at humahalik sa kanya... at natutuwa yung mga tao... maririnig ko silang sinasabi na "uy, ang sweet naman nila! bagay talaga sila noh?"... titingin sila sakin at siyemre, ngingiti ako kahit pa sa mga oras na yun, parang gusto ko nang bumuka yun lupa at lamunin ako para lang hindi ko na makita yung mga nangyayari...

i've never been the other woman... i've never felt how it was to be in a mistress' shoe... and i don't ever want to be in one... i don't want to imagine how it feels to love someone whom i know has another that he loves, probably more than he loves me... how it hurts to share the main source of my happiness with another... how painful it is to be with someone knowing that later this evening, he'll be in the arms of another... and what can be more painful than knowing that you cannot demand to be the only one, since he's already committed even before you came... and all you can do is either love him and share him with the legal one, or leave so that he can right his mistakes...

ngayon, hindi ko na sila kinasusuklaman... mas nasusuklam ako sa mga lalakeng pinapaasa pa sila kahit na may ibang taong minamahal at nagmamahal na sa kanila... yung mga lalakeng walang kaalam-alam kung gano kasakit matawag na kerida, kabit, ahas, malandi, sabit, imoral at home-wrecker... yung mga lalakeng hindi nararamdaman kung gano kahirap magkaron ng kahati sa puso ng taong minamahal nila...

this realization also gave me a new-found respect and love for the man who's in my life right now... i may not be his first girlfriend and i don't know if i'll be his last, but i know and i can feel with each moment that we're together (and even in the times that we're not), he loves me truthfully and respects me... and with the many selfish men lurking around, i've found someone whom i can trust and not regret giving my heart to...

for him

composed this about a few months ago... thought i'd share it here... :)

...

dragging myself out of bed in a cold January morning
is the worst torture anyone can inflict
and yet there is no choice,
a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do

battling busy traffic, hustling for a seat
that's all part of my routine
feels like it's never ending
but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do

when all things fall apart
when everything's breaking my heart
i look at him
and everything's alright again

all day long i meet busy faces
papers and folders are my new best friends
and like any human being
i get tired as well

i count the minutes till it's five
i count the hours till he's mine
because every night is the best night
when he's by my side

when life's throwing all the crap
when it seems like nothing can keep me intact
i look at him
and everything's alright again


the best feeling in the world is leaning my head on his shoulder
and not have anything to care
because when i look at him, i know
everything will be alright again

on a pedestal

i know it's hard to love you
it'll take all my strength to do
but how can i stay away?
when just one smile can make my day

it's not easy to be with you
takes a lot of effort for me to do
but how can i not see your face everyday?
when i gain my strenght from the thought of seeing you today

it's impossible for me to love you
we're way too different, me and you
but still you're here with me, lying close to me
and i know, there's no other place i'd rather be

raves

there are just so many things i love... sometimes, they affect the way i act and live my life... most of the time, they're there to entertain me... so i made a list of the things i'm addicted to (some are current while others are classics)... :)

favorite viand
i prefer my sweet & sour pork crispy and has a thick sauce.
most restaurants serve theirs not crispy which takes away
the goodness of the dish. i tasted the more sumptuous
sweet & sour pork in king bee and luk yuen (recently).
a favorite since i was a kid... my mom used to cook this
on rare occasions (due to budget constraints) that's
probably why it tastes extra special when she cooks one! :)

favorite pasta
my first (and only) encounter with creamy ebiko pasta
was during my first visit to tokyo cafe and i LOVED it
that i couldn't stop saying "sarap nito!" to my mom
(who was then devouring her yoshi's burger). it was
unbelievably good that i consumed the whole plate!
(one plate is good for two servings) plus it has a hefty
serving of fresh prawns which makes it extra enticing.
a trip to tokyo cafe isn't complete without my creamy
ebiko pasta! :)

favorite salad
this salad has the best serving of grapes and mangoes!
the diced mangoes are so fresh while the grapes are so
sweet with a bit of a crunch. i also love the big chicken
chunks on this one. the ceasar-like dressing is a good
pair for this salad. mango and chicken salad is a must!

favorite desserts
i've never been a fan of chocolates until black (or dark)
chocolates made its way to my heart! (haha) yup, learned
recently that it's good for the heart too. among the brands,
i specifically like meiji's for its taste and creaminess.
thank god for the health buffs! this is fast becoming
a major addiction (my trip to moa won't be complete
without a visit to i love berries. yup, even if it takes
going home late, i'll buy one once my craving strikes).
i also discovered just the other day this amazing store,
white hat, which serves yummy froyos as well. not only
is frozen yogurt good for the body, it super tasty as well!
i now prefer it over ice cream. :)

ok... my first four favorites were all about food... before you think i'm a pig (although i love pigs), let me proceed with the non-food favorites of mine... ;)

favorite books
this book made me sympathize with its antagonist.
for the first time, i got a glimpse on the life of a
struggling star, how she battled her way to get
what she wanted at all means, was victorious, but at
the end, all that was left of her was emptiness.
christopher pike is one of my favorite authors of all-time.
he is the hipper dan brown of the 90's. what's great about
his books is that he will challenge your perception of things
(which is what dan brown's been doing lately with his novels).
it's also cool that his books mostly depict teenage lives and how
carefreeness can sometimes lead to unfortunate things
when i first read the da vinci code, i thought it was
the best book i've ever read but then i read this one
and suddenly, i had doubts. this book kept me awake
until 4 am (and that was the week of my periodical exams).
i just couldn't put it down, literally. dan brown made me think
twice about miracles. do they really happen or is it just faith
that makes us believe they can happen?

favorite films
the movie made me fall in love with ewan mcgregor!
he was so passionate in this movie that it will move
you and make you believe in the power of love (:D)
the dance sequence was so beautifully-choreograpped
that i wanted to join the spectacular spectacular. :)
i love it when women kick ass. i love it even more when
women look good while doing it. ;) this movie not only
showcased the fighting skills of the three leads (shu qi,
zhao wei and karen mok), it is also a moving story of
two sisters who beyond being assassins, are also just
two simple girls who dream of living normal lives.
the french has a way of turning a simple story into
a fancy dream-like fairytale. amelie is an adorable
girl who searches for a guy who owns something
she possesses at the moment. her interaction with
the other characters is so adorable that you can't
help but root for her.

favorite artists
i listen to different music genres but i only have a few
i love listening to over and over. on top of them is
definitely garbage. the mv of their first single "push it"
is what made me listen to their songs. i also love
"i think i'm paranoid", "androgyny" and "cherry lips".
besides the fabulous bangs, her music is what draws me
to her. lady gaga made me love dance music. listening to
her songs, i was surprised at how diversed her music is.
she sometimes sounds like gwen stefani and at times, like
shirley manson. "paparazzi", "beautiful, dirty, rich",
"poker face" and "eh eh (nothing else i can say)" are among
my favorites.

style icon
she looks too young to be in her 30's
and she's freakin' hot! those are two
of the things i love about vivian hsu.
besides those, i also admire how she
fought her way to achieve the success
she's experiencing now, how she managed
to rise above her scandalous past and
emerged as a positive role model.

so there you have it... my list so far... these are all highly-recommended so you better check them out and see if we share the same taste in pop culture... ;)

the day the queen was fooled

i suck. i knew from the start that my boyfriend loves to tease and play a prank on me... so why didn't i see his april fool's day prank coming??? one good reason would be that an april fool's day prank is just too obvious... another is that i didn't think he would actually honor the april fool's day celebration... the truth is, it was all about TIMING... yup, he started his prank the eve of april fool's...

SITUATION:
he was fired by his employer due to cost-cutting

TARGET:
yours truly

RESULT:
slapped him hard on his stomach and threw curses at him

when he told me the night before april fool's that he was retrenched, i felt so bad for him that i couldn't stop my tears from falling... i tried so hard to make him laugh with my conceited remarks while we were in the bus just so he wouldn't have time to think about what happened to him earlier... i lost my appetite but i forced myself to eat just so we can stay together longer... all the time we were together all i could think of was how to make him feel better... i thought that i can sleep it off but the thought of no longer going home together, eating dinner together and just doing nothing together left a hole inside of me... i was constantly thinking of it during my routine, even when i took a bath... i was praying so hard that he was just pulling a prank on me... i guess, god has a special spot for me... hehe ;)

we met in glorietta the night of april fool's and he was acting suspicious... first, he went in at 7 pm when we originally agreed to meet by 6 or 6:30 since he's not doing anything (supposedly) at home... next, he was dressed to impress (he usually wears casual when we go out)... third, he was carrying his bag...

DULAY: bat may bag kang dala?
CHIBI: para may lagyan ako ng payong
DULAY: pwede mo kayang dalhin lang yun.
CHIBI: eh sanay nakong may bag eh.

so i let it pass... maybe he really wasn't used to not carrying a bag... but one more thing kept on bothering me...

DULAY: kala ko 6 tayo magmimeet e.
CHIBI: galit ka?
DULAY: hindi... malungkot lang.
CHIBI: ahh...
DULAY: bakit late ka na umalis?
CHIBI: madami kasi akong tinapos e...
DULAY: sa dorm?
CHIBI: (chie face) sa ofis!
DULAY: PUT*N* IN@!!!! (very hard slap to stomach)

WHY OH WHY DIDN'T I SEE THAT COMING??? oh well, i guess that prank made me realize just how much i value him... that his down moment has the power to affect me so much... my only regret is i didn't get to pull one off on him... oh well, there's always next year! ;)

evolution of the bangs

my friends have always been telling me that my bangs would probably be my trademark... a few even made a joke as to how my bangs evolved... that the moment i was born, i already had bangs (haha)... but the real reason behind the hairstyle is not as shallow as some may think... let me brief you with a few notes from my history...

i didn't have bangs when i was still in grade school... as far as i can remember, i had short hair the majority of my stay there... come high school, i went with shoulder length hair... back then, i was not thought of as cute or pretty... i was just plain short and a bit chubby (yes, a bit lang noh... ;P )

------> try to spot me in this pic... hehe ;P


... i was also an underachiever... i did not aim for high grades and settled for mediocre instead... i lived by the principle, "just do everything to survive"... if i got an 80 for my math subjects, i'll be thankful... that was my mindset at that time... well that was until i got a wake-up call... i was not allowed to join my graduation due to a failing grade in physics... that moment, i felt what people are saying about "the world is crashing in on them"... i didn't know what to do... i was so afraid to face my mom in fear that i would see disappointment and hurt... i wanted for the earth to open and swallow me whole... i wanted to just disappear... for days i've been locking myself at home watching asian series while my friends were practicing for their graduation march... i felt pathetic... oddly though, i watched two series which made a big impact on me: love at the dolphin bay and love storm... love at the dolphin bay gave me hope that though people see you as a failure, you still have the power to prove them wrong by improving for your own sake... why see your moment of failure as a weakness when you can turn it into a motivation to be a success? love storm on the other hand introduced me to my idol, vivian hsu... initially, i liked her because of her character, jia le... i found that i can relate to her style and attitude... you see i've always wanted to wear cute dresses, colorful outfits and cute hairstyles back in my younger years but did not because i wasn't confident enough to think of myself as cute or pretty... but as i research vivian hsu's life, i learned that we had more common that i thought initially... like her, i also have a broken family... we both live with our mother and was raised in a community filled with girls... while she struggled to make it big in showbizness at a young age, i was fighting my own demons back in my early teens... her determination to transform from being soft porn star into a respectable actress became my encouragement to transform as well... i gradually accepted that i was not going to march and that acceptance made it easier for me change myself for the better...

college came and i surprised myself with how big improvement i made through the course of just a year... i started excelling in school that i was even part of the dean's list consistently (from first year to fourth year)... i was tasked with responsibilities (both to my class and my org) that i would never have been given when i was still in grade school and high school... also, i graduated cum laude with distinction (okay, my bragging stops right here... ;P )... more importantly, i gained confidence and learned to embrace my insecurities... so what if i'm fat? my being fat gave me these cute cheeks that my friends love to pinch... so what if i'm short? i can easily make my way out of a stampede, wearing those cute lil stilettos and heels... so what if i have huge forehead? i can always cover them with cute bangs! which leads me to why i had my bangs... =)

i styled my first ever bangs like that of vivian hsu's jia le in love storm



and like all other, my bangs evolved as well...



and evolved...



just like my bangs, i'm currently evolving... i'm learning new things as each day passes... i'm meeting more and more people as my life progresses... and for now, i'm loving how i look, how i live, what i have and who i have... :)



hope you do too... ;)