a run-in with a run-on train of thoughts

i've always written from the heart... no matter how cheesy or self-righteous they were at times, they have always come from the heart... i would type and type some gibberish words and found that there are some things that no matter how hard i try to explain, just don't have the perfect interpretation in writing... like write now, i don't even know how to progress with this entry much more end it... there are just too may things running in my mind that i find it hard constructing my thoughts into writing... it's not writer's block nor a case of information overload i think... it's just that there are so many good things i can write about at the moment but then let them pass because i'm too lazy to update my site and later find out that the ignored ideas kept recurring and recurring in my head which leads to a run-on train of thoughts or in this case, a run-on sentence that needs to be finished with a commanding period.

my prized find

you're the hot cup of choco i'd like to sip to calm my nerves

the most expensive course on the menu best last served

some soft cookies hidden in a jar on the topmost cabinet

and a prized purchase i've always wanted to get


you would be the ending to a really good night


the last piece of pizza and having the last bite


a deja vu of a good forgotten thing


and at he fascination with the sudden remembering


and just when i thought YOU couldn't get any better


you've become the man i will hold in my heart forever...

glitch in my love affair with writing

it's not a secret that writing has been my passion since my grade school days... my sis meg, madonna and probably some of my former schoolmates can attest to how i love to scribble random things out of the blue... my lull moments are mostly dedicated to conjuring weird and outlandish thoughts and turning them a plot of some sort... it amazes me how a fairly innocent subconscious routine has turned into a regular favorite habit... i find myself lost in my own trance of thoughts while sitting inside a bus, staring into a computer, lying in bed or just simply walking by... the list of possible venues to hold my brainstorming sessions seems endless...

despite my blossoming love affair with words, there is glitch in the relationship... i can't seem to finish most of my pieces... i think i've only finished two stories, diwata (a beautiful ghost wandering the earth in search for her missing lover) and no ordinary love (yes it's cheesy simply because i wrote it back when i was just 10 years old) out of a gazillion plots i've constructed... i always start with a strong plot, write a few good chapters and then, viola! abrupt stop. it's weird that i have so much great ideas in my head and i have visualized how each stories will progress but can't seem to put them into writing... laziness, probably? lack of motivation? lack of time? it's annoying the hell out of me and there aren't a lot of things that annoy the hell out of me (as i consider myself incredibly patient and unreasonably tolerant)..

my point? i SHOULD start to finish the stories that i've started... i think this glitch has become a comfortable routine on my part... my fear is i might incorporate this glitch in some aspects of my life which i don't want to happen... i don't want to be tagged as "ms. as good as her few early chapters"... i want to rekindle the feeling of finishing a good story and sharing it with people... i MUST finish what i'm writing...

a composition i wrote on the bus on my way to work... this has to be my most genuine composition up to date... :)

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tonight my heart beat the way it did the first time we met
myself gave in to you in ways i've never let
and every smile i gave is a smile i don't regret
coz i have fallen in love with the same man all over again

tonight my soul danced to a familiar hymn
my mind wandered to a familiar dream
and these things happened all of a sudden it seems
i have fallen in love with the same man all over again

they say the chances of loving someone twice is next to impossible
and loving with greater passion is nothing short of a miracle
but how come i am standing here now, this feeling getting stronger?
and why are these arms aching to hold you longer?

tonight i am humming the same old melody
in your arms i am dacing to the same old harmony
and somehow i feel a renewed chemistry
coz i'm falling in with the same man all over again

dulay, 2009 :)

come what may

i remembered when ate mae, my friend balot's sister, marched down the aisle. i marveled at how beautiful she was that special day, dressed all in white. it wasn't her gown or make-up that radiated her beauty. it was the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eyes that convinced me she had to be the most beautiful bride i've seen in all the weddings i've attended so far. i swear i got goosebumps as i watched her slowly making her way towards her man, looking at his eyes all throughout the walk. i glimpsed at the man she was looking at and i felt myself catch my breath. there he was, standing, his hands discreetly shaking as he watched his beloved walk down their aisle. yet he was smiling, nervously, but still smiling as if his silence shouted all the feelings his heart couldn't contain and for a moment, i felt that their world stopped and we were merely dusts in their wind.

after that day, i was convinced that weddings are my favorite occasion. i always tag along my mom whenever she gets invited to one and i make it a point to pay attention, specifically, to the march down the aisle. and every moment, i still get that unexplainable feeling looking at both lovers as they stare into each other's eyes, probably exchanging their silent i love yous and vows of forever. looking at them, i swore to myself that someday, i'll be that girl. i'll be that girl who's looking at somebody's eyes, silently telling him how much i'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life and my life after that, with him. i'll be that girl who'll wake up next to him and serve him his breakfast, his lunch, his dinner, even his midnight snack. i'll be that girl who'll wake up just to pat his back when he's coughing uncontrollably in the middle of the night. and i will be that girl he'd be holding hands with when we have nothing to do, just watching the world speed by during our older years.

people say that girls plan their own wedding as early as their pre-school years and i must admit i'm part of that statistic. from beach to garden to castle wedding, i've visualized all of those scenes as part of my own wedding. in the past, my wedding plans have been all bleat and changing, no permanent theme, no permanent entourage, no permanent groom. but now, as i'm maturing and turning into a woman, i'm realizing certain aspects in my life that i want to be permanent in my wedding and in my life. i know for a fact that i want my mom to walk me down the aisle. i'll invite my dad of course but i want my mom to be the one to bring me to my new life as she was the one who saw and still sees me through my everyday life. she's the one who sacrificed her life to ensure that i will reach the time that i'll be facing the man who'll take care of me and i will to him for the rest of my life. i know i would want my six favorite girls and meg to be part of my entourage. my college friends as well as my office colleagues will be there also. there will be hundreds of flowers, no specific kind, but they will all be pink. i'm still undecided on my theme. i've been wanting to do a fairytale-inspired wedding ever since i watched got 2 believe. i've also realized that come what may is the only song that will played during my walk down the aisle. i can already envision myself walking down that aisle, dressed in my dream wedding gown. as for the groom? i pretty much have a clear vision of how he looks like. thinking about him now makes smile that big foolish smile. :D

at 23, i think that i'm too young and unprepared to get married (yes, my potential groom, don't get nervous yet. hehe :p ). probably two to three years from now i can say the opposite thing. but for now, i'll content with watching other people actualize their dream wedding. and someday, come what may, it will be my turn to fulfill mine. :)